Sunday, May 17, 2009

Funny Story about a Palmetto Bug

So I've just moved back to Florida, and I know what to expect when it comes to humidity, traffic and gigantic flying insects. Since I have been back, I haven't had the pleasure of encountering a Palmetto Bug, until tonight. For those of you who don't know, a Palmetto bug is like a giant roach, and when I say giant, I mean it. These things are like 3 or 4 inches long, and they FLY. So, they run around, until you piss them off by trying to swat, squash, or otherwise shoo them away, and then they fly, usually at your face.

I'm here with my step-brother's two girls, 13 and 7, and my son who's 2. My son talks a bunch and smiles a lot, but hasn't yet found too many reasons to giggle his pants off. So I ask the 13 year old what she does when her dad's not home and a gigantic roach is running around the walls. She thinks she's going to save me, until she sees it! Now there are 3 of us running around the house screaming, while my son is standing in one spot, laughing his little butt off.

So I'm running for a glass to trap it, some roach spray to kill it, or anything I can find to immobilize this giant, disgusting insect until I can figure out just what to do. A shoe? Well, the thing is, these things are SO big that if you squish them on the wall, the spot of guts never goes away. I'm not even kidding. Just nasty. And the thing is, I'm not generally squeamish. I can take snakes, caterpillars, mice, and even giant spiders. All those things are neat. I don't do Palmetto bugs.

So my son is just losing it with laughter, the three of us girls are jumping around, I appoint myself the hero and go after it with spray. It flies. I scream. My son laughs. Multiply that scenario by about 4, and then it finally escapes the room I'm in to the living room. Now girls are locking themselves in bathrooms, I'm jumping around on furniture, and my son is still standing in one spot, laughing hysterically.

Finally, it disappears. Well, good. No, not good. If we can't see it, that means it will show up at any other unknown period of time, in any other unknown room. That's really just no fun. It finally runs out of it's hiding spot. The 7 year old points and screams. I chase it. I spray it. Multiply this scenario by about 4 and finally we have a dying insect, out in the open, right where I can finally trap it in a glass and chuck it outside.

OMFG those things are nasty.

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